Disney Channel sucks!

Hey, have you ever heard of the Disney Channel?

(see left for logo)











Yes Disney Channel, what is Disney Channel? I guess I better explain.

You see, back in 1983, Disney had this great idea- an entire channel dedicated to Disney animation and family-friendly programming (something this world desperately needs, shows that don't feature sex and other gross shit that isn't even HALF interesting.) Of course Disney Channel has never aired innapropriate shit like that (besides that one incident when some cable system fucked up and PLayboy TV's signal mixed in with Disney's), but with this world going downhill like a tumbleweed, who knows when they will? Anyway, let us start with the time period when Disney Channel was good.

Back in '83, the channel consisted of classic Disney features, Mickey, Donald and the like- as well as family programs like the game show "Contraption", "You And Me" etc. It stayed this way for many years. It was a safe haven for kids and their familys with all the Disney there was and more, no commercials, 24/7. It stayed this way for quite a few years-until in 1997, Disney became regular cable instead of premium. Which also meant- old shows were retired, and the new live-action and cartoons came pouring in. You'd think this is when they started sucking, right? Well, actually, no. You see...Disney Channel still believed in good quality programming. As such, they came out with some really memorable stuff. The Famous Jett Jackson, Boy Meets World (I think that was Disney), Even Stevens, Honey I Shrunk the Kids: The Series, Recess, Buzz Lightyear of the Star Command- and those are just a few.

Fast forward to 2003. This is when the gap between good and shit began. Most of the older shows were gone. Disney came out with some pretty "Meh" shows. That's So Raven and Phil of the Future came out during this short era. Neither were bad or good. They were just...okay, but disappointing. I thought Disney could do better than them. Little did I know the surprise I was in for.

2005 came, and with it came the wrecking ball that would smash Disney Channel to pieces. What wrecking ball am I talking about? Why, this of course:

http://tv.disney.go.com/disneychannel/suitelife/index.html

Ah, the Crap Life of Zack and Cody. Here's the lowdown: Two spoiled, rich brats named Zack and Cody have a mom who gets a job offer to sing at the Tomptin Hotel or whatever the flaming piss it's called. So their overpayed mom is announced to be the hotel's full-time performer. So Zack and Cody now live at the hotel with their overpayed, and I guess irresponsible mom consider she's never around and, as a result, her bratty kids can cause messes and play football in the hotel with no supervision. These are your typical bratty "Wahhh my allowence is only 5 bucks" kids. This show was sadly extraordinarily popular and spawned a line of shows just like this one. Bad acting and all.

So the next crappy show was Hannah Montana. This show doesn't have bratty spoiled kids like Zack & Cody, but it sucks because it turned Disney Channel into a crap fashion channel that spits out low-budget TV movies and shows that over 17 million kids in America watch. Hannah Montana is a show about this girl name Miley Cyrus, your average cheesy live-action kids show character, as a normal girl with an alter ego of rock star Hannah Montana. Of course, only her friends know this, making Hannah Montana the 133242344234342 millionth show about a normal kid with a big secret. All sorts of cheaply produced Hannah merchandise can be found at stores.

Then there's High School Musical, which really established Disney as a fashion industry channel. Just look it up on wikipedia for the description. I've seen this movie before because I wanted to see what all the hype was about. It was really nothing special. Just your average high school movie with all the drama you can get and more. Plus some shitty songs to boot! Words can't even explain this piece of fuck. Now I can't go anywhere without seeing a huge-ass HSM booth with HSM-themed useless, overpriced crap like diaries, a fake yearbook for "East High", pencils, erasers, whatever. I also hate this movie because of it making kids increasingly fascinated with live-action kids shows while cartoons take the back seat-a story for another blog.

Anyway, my hands and back hurt from typing for about an hour. Thanks for reading- see you next time!